“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” – 1 Peter 5:8

They say hindsight is 20/20. Regardless of if my hindsight is 20/20 or not, it is a lot clearer. I sat down this morning to do some personal bible study, something I hadn’t done in like a month or so. Rather than being nose-deep in the Word, I found myself staring blankly at the wall as my Sunday school notes and my bible lay open before me. I didn’t know where to start. It had been so long. Giving in to my already blank expression, I instead let my mind wander among my thoughts as I sometimes do.

I started thinking about high school and how that time of my life was filled with my obsession with my academic success and how that obsession often left me with no time for bible study. Being the best in my class was important essential to me, or at least that’s what I thought at the time. Nothing came before it. Nothing. In short, I had made my “academic success” my god. 

Now this is not a new revelation and I have probably written in depth about it somewhere else before (I know I’ve certainly thought many times about it). You see, I came to this hindsight conclusion during my freshman year of college after I had received the promised benefits from my god and found them to be overwhelmingly unfulfilling.

The three years following this revelation, yes I still worked hard in school (I couldn’t exactly start slacking in college), but I also began to work harder in my spiritual walk. I began reading my bible more and actually trying to apply what I learned at church at in bible study.

Using my trusty hindsight once again, I noticed not too long thereafter that I had gone through a change in college, quite a drastic one. In those three years where I was nearly confined to my small baptist university, I saw the biggest spiritual growth in my life thus far. I let go of my little god to begin a more intimate relationship with the one true God.

Unfortunately, my life is not a movie. I can’t just put a “The End” there and live happily ever after. Nope. I’m still human. I’m still a sinner. And I still fall into (or rather dive head first into) my imperfection. And sitting here today, putting my hindsight to use yet again, I have come to a yet another new revelation. It would seem that I have lost my way once again and strayed from the right path. Not in the dramatic sense like someone turning to an addiction or crime, but more in a subtle fashion. The path that I had begun down now (as opposed to the right path) so subtly became a part of my life that I had to stop walking altogether in order to notice it. I had to sit down and be still. And this morning as I attempted to dive into bible study again but finding myself at a loss, ended up staring at a wall. In a way, I was forcibly made to sit still by my confusion. And when I did, I caught a glimpse of the new little god I had created for myself in the months following my graduation.

In an attempt to keep this god from hiding away again in the depths of my mind, I shall write his name down. Laziness. And yeah, I know exactly what you’re thinking. How can laziness be your god? How can you possibly serve a state of being? It’s a trait, not a god, right? Uhh, wrong. In fact, it’s quite easy to make the state of being lazy your god. We often use the word lazy in various contexts with varying degrees of strength, without truly acknowledging the power it can have over us. The dictionary defines “lazy” as being averse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion or encouraging inactivity, indolence, or idleness.

Instead of worshiping and serving “academic success” like I did in high school, or the true God, like I did in college, I was (and technically still am) worshiping and serving the god of “laziness”. It’s pretty easy to do so — avoid responsibilities, remain inactive, and dwell in idleness. It would seem that this god catered perfectly to my flesh. However, for the first time in a long time, my spirit would like to step up and make an official announcement: I, Kyndra Joyce, hate laziness. Deep within my core, I hate him and what he is doing to me. He is consistently oppressive, tying me down and holding me back. I hate him. And now that I know about him and how he snuck into my life, I am going to get rid of him. I’m going to trample him under my feet and show him the kind of fake god he really is.

And just in this moment I had a thought. Perhaps he was even working in cohort with the mini god I mentioned formerly, the god of “academic success”. They appear to be on opposite ends of the spectrum. One is obsessive about working; the other is obsessive a not working. But perhaps the latter was lying in the depths of my sinful nature, simply waiting for its opportunity to take over. It probably wanted to do so after I discovered the first fake god and got rid of him. But at the time, I was experiencing spiritual renewal and my spirit within me was strong, too strong for this second god to go up against. But the second that my spirit was no longer being fed, even for just a moment, that god found a foothold and since then has crept into every inch of my life (1 Peter 5:8).

But now I know. Now my spirit knows and in this very moment is preparing itself for battle, putting on the armor of God. So that I can come back to the right path, the one where Jesus walks by my side and God shines His countenance upon me, lighting my every step. I have learned time and time again that one must constantly renew their soul with the Word and in prayer, as you foster your relationship with God. Now I am acutely more aware of the dangers of not doing so. “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand” (Ephesians 6:13).

K.J. 02/29/2016