I was sitting here thinking about God’s timing and our prayers and how God had recently answered one of my prayers by giving me exactly what I wanted. Although the result of his granting this prayer request as so far turned in my favor, I regretfully recalled a time when it didn’t.

When I was in high school, there was a season where I was desperately lonely. I had experienced the loss of many friends through the power of distance, and for a while I felt desperate to find a friend. I remember it so clearly. One night I got down of my knees with my elbows digging into the covers of my bed and my fingers clasped together. I bowed my head and earnestly sent my request to God. “Dear Father, can you please just this once send me a friend…a best friend. Someone who will stick around and want to be just friends with me and want to hang out and not go away or get pulled away. Someone just for me.” Little did I know, that season had a purpose and a plan and my prayer wasn’t part of it. But my prayer went up to God. In fact my prayer went up to Him a few times. I badgered Him with it, desperately begging. I guess I couldn’t hear the no he was resounding back to me. So one day, He gave in and gave me exactly what I asked for. 

Her name was Isis. She was two years younger than me and we shared the same PE class. We became quick friends, and to this day I still don’t know how that happened. We talked a lot although we didn’t have that much in common. And the moment I realized just how different we were it was too late. I did say God gave me exactly what I asked for, right? It wasn’t until that moment did I realize that I had asked for a clingy friend.

Now I wouldn’t say Isis was exactly clingy. That would be mean. I would just say that she was pretty passionate about this friendship thing. Something I had never experienced prior to that. She would meet me outside of each of my classes and insist that we walk together (despite her classes not being nearby). She sat with me at lunch every day. We hung out and talked for the entire PE class each day. And as if that was not enough for my introverted self, she would call me after school and talk for hours. Then we’d do it all again the next day. I had never interacted with another human being so much as I did during that time. And did I mention, we actually didn’t have that much in common. And there I was spending every available moment with her. If you know anything about introverts, you can imagine how draining this could be. I wanted a close friend but not like this. 

And then things got worse. Or to be more exact, I got worse. Clueless about how to remedy my mentally worn out soul, I took drastic (and dreadfully wrong) steps. I avoided her. I took my time leaving my classes hoping she would get tired of waiting. I’d respond with silence as she told me her stories. I put my focus elsewhere as we sat eating lunch. I’d “accidentally” miss her phone calls and insincerely apologize the next day. I was terrible to her and I could slowly see how it affected her. And to this day, I have not had a chance to truly apologize to her and I still constant feel the shame and regret. 

All of that from an answered prayer. I ended up hurting someone with the very thing God allowed me to have. And it wasn’t until years later that I realized that the reason God gave me what I asked for was not simply because I asked for it. God is not a vending machine where you put in a prayer and out pops a positive answer. He was teaching me. He was showing me that just because I think I need it, doesn’t mean it is part of His plan. Isis wasn’t a part of God’s plan for me, at least not in that season like that. But he brought her in because I asked and because I needed to learn. I need to learn about a better Friend. The only true Friend that will always be there and will always want to be friends with me and will always want to be together, and will never get pulled away. And most of all, this Friend is someone I will cling to. This Friend is Jesus.

If I had taken the time to learn that lesson from the start, neither I nor Isis would have had to go through that emotional rollercoaster of a friendship. And I wouldn’t live regretting what I did. But I have to believe that God was working on something in her life as well, because he is the all-powerful, all-knowing God who weaves everything and everyone’s lives together into a perfect masterpiece.

So in essence, I learned two lessons from that season. 1) The only true cure for that gaping hole of loneliness in my soul is my friend Jesus. And 2) Just because I want something in my life, doesn’t mean it is part of God’s plan and every request to Him should have the caveat of “if it be Your will.”

To this day I try to live by those lessons and persevere in faithful comfort believing that every answered request (and denied request) is part of His will. And you know, I’m good with that!