“I’ll be okay.” This is a phrase I repeat to myself multiple times a day every day. It’s what helps me get past the anxieties and the fears and the stresses and the worries and the doubt and the confusion. It’s how I’m able to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It’s how I keep my mind for racing down endless paths to insanity. It’s home base. It’s the anchor that’s pulls me back when I float too far in the wrong direction. “I’ll be okay.” 

This phrase first came to me one afternoon as I was rolling around in my thoughts. I pulled out an old notebook, opened to a clean page, grabbed a pen and snapped open the lid. And seconds later words were forming before my eyes, words that seemed to come from somewhere far outside of me (or perhaps deep inside me). I wrote:

Sounds like a pep talk, right? I like to think that it was Jesus speaking to me. That he came and sat down in front of me, right there on my bed where I sat curled up writing this. With my hands in his, he spoke these words to me. And ever since then I have carried them with me. After writing, I immediately posted the note on my Instagram. I wrote it again on another paper. I copied it on a dry erase board for my desk at work. I read and reread it to myself now and then. But the phrase I hold closest to my heart is “I’ll be okay.” 

It may seem like a simple phrase that wouldn’t change much in moments of deep anxiety, but to me it changes everything. It’s truth, God-given truth. That’s the message the Bible preaches again and again. I’ll be okay because God is still (and always will be) in control. So it reminds me that no matter how unprepared I feel for a situation I’m facing, I can be assured that no matter what happens, I’ll be okay.

I know what you’re thinking. Kyndra, the title says everyone will be okay, not just you. You’re so right. And that’s leads me to my current dilemma. All my life, and more intensely the past couple of years, I have been very concerned about people. And this is not the general concern that most people feel about humanity, that we are doomed and falling into the pits we dug ourselves. No, my concern is more directed and pointed towards specific people, and is more than momentary thoughts. It’s all-inclusive and all-consuming.  It dictates the direction of most of my actions. I go through the day concerned that she or he or they won’t be okay.

I worry if my sister is stressed or if my mom feels tired or my dad feels bored. I worry if my boss is overworked or if my friend feels overwhelmed. I worry if my sister-in-law is comfortable or if my brother-in-law feels heard. I worry if my coworkers like each other or like their jobs. I worry if everyone is actually okay. 

All day long, I observe and make note of people’s expressions and body language and if their tone has changed or the volume of the voice is different. I look at their actions and inactions. I check and review until I find myself at the conclusion that they are in fact not okay. Which (in my head) means that I need to make a move! I need to step in! I need to make them happy! This is all on me!…

But it’s not. I am not in charge of their happiness, their joy, or their okay-ness. And even with my best efforts to remedy whatever issue I think they are having, their okay-ness is not up to me. I am having to learn this, albeit slowly.

In all my worries about other people’s feelings, I slowly remembered my mantra. “I’ll be okay.” Just as God is watching over me, He is watching over them. Just as how I will keep going even if everything falls apart, they too will be okay in the midst of destruction and difficulties. So I say this for me: